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Underworld
Len Wiseman, USA / UK, 2003
Rating: 2.8
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Posted: September 22,
2003
By
The Gentleman (exclusive
to Shaking Through)
The basic premise and background of the vampires-vs.-werewolves flick
Underworld should be familiar to anyone with a passing knowledge of
the popular role-playing games Vampire: The Masquerade and
Werewolf: The Apocalypse. (More than familiar, perhaps, given that the
gaming company White Wolf and horror writer Nancy A. Collins have sued the
makers of the film for multiple copyright infringements.) But to the
layman, the film's plot and backstory unfold at a frustratingly laborious
pace (despite the sleek rapid-fire shoot-out that opens it). In fact, key
details -- mainly, that vampires and werewolves (here referred to as "Lycans")
exist in well-organized, hierarchical clans and "houses" -- aren't so much
established as eventually inferred by the audience, the large majority of
which is undoubtedly more familiar with the user-friendly milieus of
Buffy the Vampire Slayer and other, more traditional franchises. In
other words, be forewarned: This isn't your father's vampire (or werewolf)
movie.
What it is, as it happens, is a terribly style-conscious, tricked-up
Euro-Goth take on Romeo and Juliet -- that is, if Juliet were a
gun-toting vampire with more balls than the Baltimore Ravens, and Romeo
were a good-looking cipher of a medical student whose bloodline makes him
a key figure in an eternal struggle between...well, you know. The
blood-sucking hottie in question is Selene, a leather-clad vampire
assassin (played with one-note earnestness by Kate Beckinsale, apparently
thirsty for more of a sellout than Pearl Harbor could deliver).
Selene is a Death-Dealer, part of a cadre of hunter-killer vampires whose
sole mission is to seek out and destroy werewo -- sorry, Lycans -- by
shooting them full of silver bullets. (Spoiler Alert: If you want
to remain surprised, stop reading here. -- The Editor.)
Selene belongs to a decadent "house" of vampires who loll about in a
European mansion, where they apparently have little more to do than admire
each other's supernatural cheekbones and plot against each other. The
house is currently ruled by the aptly named Kraven (Shane Brolly), who
resembles an unsettling cross between Trent Reznor and Josh Groban.
Kraven's got designs on the terminally uninterested Selene; turns out he's
also got his eye on consolidating his power base by engaging in a
conspiracy with Lucian (Michael Sheen), the leader of the Lycans, thought
long dead at Kraven's hands. Said conspiracy involves tracking down a
direct descendant of the very first Lycan, in order to usher in a race of
vampire-Lycan hybrids. (Exactly what purpose this will serve is never made
clear, save that it will somehow presumably end the centuries-long war
between the two camps.)
That direct descendant is the aforementioned med student, Michael (Felicity's
Scott Speedman, with little to do but react to the craziness around him).
Selene encounters a Lycan squad gunning for Michael early on, and just
can't stop until she finds out why her eternal foes are so interested
in him. (Dear, dear Selene: Felicity viewers spent years wondering
much the same thing.) And although good old Michael displays all the
charisma of baked ziti, wouldn't you know it? Despite her better instincts
and vampire law, not to mention any evident onscreen chemistry, the plot
dictates that she find herself attracted to the guy. Soon, Kraven
and Lucian are moving their plan into high gear, and Selene finds herself
forced to choose between her own kind (especially the vampire Elder
Viktor, whom she awakens from hibernation a century before he's due --
don't ask) and a hunky human with Lycan in his genes. No fair guessing
which side she eventually chooses.
For all its murky storytelling style, Underworld navigates its
intricate plot twists with a fair degree of cohesiveness. Of course,
that's to be expected in a plot-heavy film like this, where leather pants
and doe eyes pass for characterization. Underworld is a thriller,
and a numbingly by-the-numbers one at that. Which is all well and good,
except that it lacks for any real thrills. The war between vampires and
Lycans doesn't seem to involve or imperil humankind in any way, so there's
little reason for human audience members to invest much emotion in the
outcome of this hermetically sealed blood feud.
It certainly doesn't help matters that the only human in sight is the
guy from Felicity, who's more of a plot device than a character
(he's bitten by Lucian fairly early on anyway, so he's shuffled over to
the Lycan column pretty quickly). If only screenwriter Danny McBride and
first-time director Len Wiseman had bothered to inject a human element
anywhere in all the melee -- say, if Lycans were mankind's guardians
against the bloodsucking fiends, or the two factions were fighting over
humans as their food supply -- perhaps the endless gunfights and
supernatural face-offs would count toward something. But no; the
filmmakers go out of their way to show us that vampires don't even feed on
humans these days, relying on animals and the synthetic blood manufactured
by one of their holding companies. As it is, Selene (and make no mistake,
it's Selene, not Ben -- I mean Michael -- with whom we're meant to
sympathize) fights for -- what? The welfare of vampires? The love of a
cardboard-stiff man-beast? What's in it for us?
Basically, lots of nifty-looking action. The Lycan transformations are
impressive, as are the ultra-violet bullets (daylight in a shell casing)
the Lycans use against their foes, and the silver nitrate bullets the
vampires develop in retaliation. But that action borrows perhaps a bit too
heavily from the leather-bullets-and-aerodynamic-stunts aesthetic of
The Matrix. And action only counts
for so much, especially when rendered in a distracting, washed-out blue
sheen that emphasizes the film's oh-so-European monotony of tone of
pacing. There's an intriguing story (plagiarized or not) buried beneath
Underworld's Byzantine machinations, acted out with adroit B-movie
aplomb. Too bad the end result proves to be so, well, bloodless.
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