Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
Gore Verbinski, USA, 2007
Rating: 2.8

Give the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise this much credit, at least: It’s proven clever in its appropriation of character names and plot elements from disparate outposts of piratical and seafaring mythology, from the Flying Dutchman to the Kraken to Davy Jones’ locker to the Kraken. Andbecause the thing does have the word “Caribbean” right there in the title, it’s wisely thrown in a stereotypical voodoo priestess, to boot. But save for the occasional Jolly Roger or walking-the-plank reference, the series has turned a blind eyepatch to a crucial piece of freebooting lore – namely, that pirates are, well, pirates.

Well, the screenwriters rectify that situation right at the outset of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, the third (and presumably final) installment in the mega-successful series. The very first scene opens on a shot of a noose, and we’re then shown a long, bedraggled line of poor souls awaiting their turn at the gallows for the crime of engaging in, or otherwise aiding and abetting, piracy on the high seas.

As members of this grim parade take their turn stepping up to the hangman’s noose, an officious voice reads a proclamation letting us know that various rights, including that of habeus corpus, have been suspended. In short, the uniformed authorities are imposing a state of martial law. Don’t look for any allegorical comparisons to the current state of world affairs; this is a kids’ movie, after all – albeit one that opens with one of the gloomiest scenes in history, like something out of Les Misérables.

Things soon pick up, though, as we catch up with wispy Will Turner (Orlando Bloom, still trying his best to look manly), Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley, still pretty gorgeous despite being horrifically undernourished) and Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) as they petition pirate chief Sao Feng (Chow Yun-Fat) for a map to Davy Jones’ Locker to rescue their swishy, self-serving pal Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp). And then things, as they are wont to do, escalate.

I won’t go into the details here, but suffice it to say that the Pirates franchise rivals the Back to the Future films in its complexity, and in its misguided belief that audiences are so enamored of the characters that they demand a boatload of twists and turns requiring a flow-chart to make sense of them all. And while the effects and spectacles are pretty cool – from the underground tunnels of Shanghai to the climactic battle between two ships swirling in a giant maelstrom – they eventually become numbing. Brand-name “actors” like Johnny Depp prattle on about how sure, they’d consider doing another sequel if there was a good story attached, but there’s no story here, just a rickety jumble of plot points to cram in between action sequences.
 
Not that At World’s End doesn’t have its engaging moments. That opening nod to the reality of pirate activity back in the day – that it was, you know, a deadly crime – is pretty jarring, for one, and for a few moments, the viewer wonders if perhaps this chapter will somehow be markedly different from its predecessors.

Well … no. You see, in this world, pirates are organized – they’ve even got a ruling council of “pirate lords,” which meets at Shipwreck Cove, a headquarters made from the hulls of various wrecked vessels. Next to this development, the existence of various squirmy creatures (including Bill Nighy’s Davy Jones), curses and ghostly vessels proves much easier to swallow.

“But you’re missing the point!” I hear you crying. “This is a Disney movie!” That’s true, and one based on a theme-park attraction, no less. Which is exactly the point: It’s a splashy, colorful (and dreadfully long) celebration of faux-outlaw culture, a piece of packaged rebellion that casts a fleet of seafaring scavengers and marauders as the good guys in a battle against the evil East India Trading Company, which represents the generic badness of the corporate world. (The irony of such a film being made by one of the most recognizable brands in the world seems lost on most everyone.)

“Well, so what?” you’re asking. “What’s wrong with a fantasy about rugged, individualist pirates sticking it to The Man?” Nothing, I guess — unless you decide to load it up with expensive special effects, weigh it down with a labyrinthine mess of convoluted plot lines and betrayals and secrets, and pad it out to almost three hours. Then you’re just in it for the money.

So what you’ve got, basically, is a giant mega-corporation churning out overlong, deadening, effects-driven spectacles about good-guy pirates for the sole purpose of wringing more gold from an oversaturated moviegoing audience. At least the actual pirates are more honest about it all.

This entry was posted on Friday, May 25th, 2007 at 1:47 pm and is filed under Movie Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.