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Saw III Darren Lynn Bousman, USA, 2006 Rating: 3.1

Posted: November 3, 2006

You thought Jigsaw was done after SAW II? You thought he was finished? Well, guess what? Even on his deathbed, the homes ain’t even close to being done! That’s right, Jigsaw has some medical complications and has seen better days, but with the help of his psycho female understudy, he's out once again to teach his victims the value of life. Well, that’s his spin on it; who am I to say otherwise?

Bone-twisting rack devices; hooks embedded in human flesh (a violation on the Hellraiser patent if you ask me); death by immersion in -- oh, let’s just call them not-so-fresh pig entrails; and, of course, the ever-popular mini-explosive shotgun-shell collar. I think I left out a few examples, but I think these are sufficient to explain the scope of my boy’s work. Here’s the deal: psycho understudy kidnaps a doctor and takes her to the intricate SAW complex. Here, the good doctor is fitted with the shotgun collar and told that if Jigsaw cannot survive the complications of his brain tumor, then the collar will go off and do her ugly. Cruel? Perhaps. But that is the way of Jigsaw. He's the thinking man’s movie bad guy.

Seriously, work with me here. Anyone can pick up a butcher knife and stalk nubile teens; it takes a deeper commitment to come up with some of these contraptions and present people with a choice between a fractured life and a really, really gruesome death. Also, the intelligence this dude can gather is awesome. He knows the identity of a drunk driver, the names of witnesses who fled the scene, and the inner thoughts of the father of the drunk driver’s victim. The CIA ain’t got nothin' on this dude! Turn Jigsaw loose on behalf of our government, and I have no doubt he’d have Osama hooked up to a gonad-slicing Rube Goldberg death trap in no time.

But my man Jigsaw isn't perfect. One would think that if he could lay his hands on a supply of sulfuric acid, and have access to millions of dollars of video surveillance equipment, that he could scoop up a bottle of Noxzema or aloe lotion. I mean, Homes is one leathery dude. Take some time out for yourself and freshen up a little, is all I’m sayin'! Wash, shave, and splash on a little after-shave, why don’t ya? Of course, the fluorescent lights in Jigsaw’s lair really ain’t helping matters any, either. Between those buzzing lights, the concrete walls and the random blood and assorted other fluids that are splattered everywhere, I can see where it would be easy to let yourself go. But still, Jig, tighten up!

Just as the Tall Man had his flying orbs, Freddy Krueger had his finger knives and Michael Myers had his creepy William Shatner mask, so too does Jigsaw have a calling card: the dreaded SAW puppet! Much like The Grudge, if you see it, you are in for a long day. The first two films gave proper respect to the puppet. Sadly, in the third installment, the puppet doesn't get the screen time he deserves. If you can show me a Wahlberg brother on screen for three minutes, you can damn sure find double that time for the puppet.

Having said all of this, SAW III is what SAW III is. It's an exercise in suspension of disbelief, not to mention a glorious theatre of splatter and the absurd. Is there any other relevance to this? Of course not! If you're looking for life-altering epiphanies from any movie with the word Saw in the title, well, you pretty much deserve the hooks-in-the-flesh treatment yourself. Enjoy the splatter. Marvel at Jigsaw’s resourcefulness! Lament the lack of puppet screen time. It's a cinematic cookie jar. Reach in and take what you want, and leave the rest. But when you reach in, you might wanna take a peek inside first and make sure it isn't fitted with a bunch of whirring saw blades. I'm just sayin'.

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