Rated | Alphabetical
Mark L. Lester, USA, 1985
Posted: December 14, 2002
If you want to see the world's most inept paramilitary force in action, you need
look no further than to the soldiers trying to kill Arnold Schwarzenegger in
Commando. Before we get that far, let me give you the setup; the daughter of
retired Colonel John Matrix (Arnold) is kidnapped by a Central American tyrant
who plans a return to power. He's got to get Matrix to kill the current
president for this to happen. If Matrix refuses, his daughter dies. Now, let me
tell you where the movie really starts. Arnold tracks down his daughter
to a small island and comes ashore with a rubber raft full of goodies. What
follows is among the most famous (if not the most famous) "gun-strapping"
sequences in cinematic history. Arnold goes on a tear loading pistols, popping
magazines into assault rifles, thumbing 12 gauge rounds into a pump shotgun,
carefully applying the mandatory camouflage face paint, attaching grenades to
his vest -- and last, but not least, slinging the obligatory rocket launcher
over his shoulder. Equipped with this 825 lbs of gear, he sets off after the men
who took his daughter. Luckily, the opposing force is all too willing to step
into lines of machine gun fire, stand idly by while grenades fly toward them and
get beaten with garden tools that Arnold finds in a shed. (That's just uncalled
for. You bring all the hardware and end up beating some guy with a rake? Just
ain't right. What kind of war story will that guy have?) If you can read this,
chances are you can figure out how it all ends without too much trouble. Once a
film has shrugged off the possibility of being serious, anything goes.
Commando is a lead-flyin', high body count shoot-em-up, and an entertaining
one. It's like ice cream; not a heavy meal, but it tastes good and puts a smile
on your face. And sometimes, that's good enough.
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