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Clemenza's Corner (Top
10 for September 2004)
September 24, 2004
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Archived Top 10 Lists |
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 Editor's
Note: This installment of Clemenza's Random-Ass Thoughts -- or
whatever this thing is called -- contains disturbing references to
canine abuse, domestic violence, and creepy dudes with
disproportionately hot girlfriends. Because we here at Shaking
Through don't believe in censorship -- and we're pretty sure no one
reads this column anyway -- we'll just remind you that the opinions and
thoughts expressed herein are all Clemenza's fault, and that all angry
emails should be sent
directly to him. --
Pontius Pilate, Editor |
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 10.
How is it that Cat "Peace Train" Stevens is on a no-fly list and yet
'80s one-hit wonder Taco of "Puttin' on the Ritz" infamy is
allowed to infiltrate the U.S. with impunity? |
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 09.
The past month in South Carolina, a man attempted to rob a bank with a
rusty pitchfork. His disguise was a white shirt, black hat, and long
beard. After attempting to remove the beard, police discovered that it
was not, in fact, a disguise, but an Amish dude who went berserk after
he heard through the grapevine that Britney Spears got married again. |
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 08.
Another winner in Florida decided that since he could not find a home for
some puppies, the only logical thing to do would be to shoot them.
Somewhere in the midst of the massacre, one pup was able to put his paw
on the trigger of the gun and shoot the would-be dog killer. If this is
not proof that Darwin was right, I don't know what is. |
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 07.
Since we're on the topic of dogs, another wizard in Utah was charged with
killing a dog with a sword. In all fairness, the dog did pull a gun on
him first, but unlike his brother in Florida, his paw was not fast
enough on the trigger. This flies in the face of conventional wisdom,
which says never bring a knife to a gunfight, unless it's a dog who has
the gun. Because since the dog doesn't have prehensile thumbs, it'll
usually take him a minute to figure out how to use it. I'm just saying! |
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 06.
We can all be thankful that President Clinton is recovering normally from
his bypass surgery. The doctors assured him that he'd be able to make
lecherous advances on young women in no time. |
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 05.
I join several others in calling for an end to Creepy Looking Guys Who
Have Super-Hot Girlfriends. It's not right. I can't help but feel a
bit discouraged when I sit alone in a dank basement with the latest
issue of Maxim magazine while Verne Troyer is having a three-way
with Brazilian super models. |
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 04.
Say what you want about the ancient Vikings, but they did not take shit
from anyone! |
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 03.
In regards to recent gas prices, the heads of the major oil corporations
got together to issue the following statement: "You got cars. They need
gas. You don't know how to make gas. We do. Ergo, you're pretty much
screwed." Man, talk about bottom-line dudes! |
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 02.
Russ Meyer is dead. He was a pioneer in the world of sleazy B-movies
filled with buxom, naked lesbians. My fondest wish is that when I die, I
might have achieved even a fraction of what he accomplished. Said
fraction being the buxom, the naked, or the lesbians. I'm not picky. |
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 01.
In perhaps the greatest story ever, an Iranian woman recently took her
husband to court because he beat her. Thing is, she just wanted the
court to rule that he could only beat her once a week. See, she
knew she was gonna get beat, she just asked that she have a certain day
set aside for it. Now that, my friends, is a reasonable woman. |
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