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Clemenza's Corner (Top
10 for October 2005)
Posted: October 27, 2005
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Archived Top 10 Lists |
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 Editor's Note: While I don't know of any music critics who
don't like Elvis Costello, I'm gonna go ahead and agree with our
mustachioed blowhard on this one, at least to a point: Many music
critics should, indeed, be beaten. That said, enjoy his latest monthly
ramblings. --
Kevin Forest Moreau, Music-Critic-in-Chief |
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 10.
A man sentenced to prison for 30 years requested that his term be
extended -- that's right, extended -- by three years in honor of
his favorite basketball player, #33 Larry Bird. When informed of this,
Bird commented, "I'm flattered, but I am not sure that I want to be
honored by a man who freely chooses 36 months of additional sodomy." |
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 09.
Michael Jackson has recently been selected for jury duty. Now, if a person
on trial is to be tried by a jury of his peers, and Michael Jackson is
on the jury, who in the hell is being tried? |
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 08.
Scientists are amazed to discover an ape that can use tools to crack nuts.
I don't see what the big deal is. Women have been doing that for years
with their voices alone. |
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 07.
Also on the science front, astronomers have proof that one of Saturn's
moons is a frozen wasteland. I can't wait to go down to the bar so I can
give my drinking buddies a great big "I told ya so!" |
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 06.
Rescuers have found the frozen body of what appears to be a U.S. Airman
from WWII encased in a block of ice. A word of caution: before you go
thawing this dude out, remember the film The Thing. I'm just
sayin’! |
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 05.
I'm getting a little tired of hearing "critics" praise what they call
music. You play these dudes some Elvis Costello, they call it boring.
Play them a Moroccan shaman banging a fish skeleton on a panther's
skull, with some technotronic beats in the background, and they call it
visionary. The moral? All music critics must be beaten. |
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 04.
Headlines suck. All I see is "Hurricane Destroys Entire City" or "Bird Flu
Spreads." Never do I read "Angelina Jolie Buys Controlling Stock In
Hooters: Waitresses To Be Topless By 2006." |
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 03.
With the End Times seemingly upon us, it's time to give pause and reflect
on what we have done with our lives. A fair rule of thumb is that if
said reflection takes less than 20 seconds, you're pretty much a loser. |
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 02.
This is indeed a graceless age. If knights were around, they would not put
up with this shit. |
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 01.
I'm tired of Batman being called a superhero. He's just a reasonably
physically fit rich guy. Take away his gadgets and what can he do? And
is it necessary to wear a suit that includes molded-in abdominal muscles
and an exaggerated codpiece? You never saw Superman stuffing a sock in
his tights or Wonder Woman wearing a padded bra. Batman, please! |
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