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Clemenza's Corner (Top
10 for July 2004)
Posted: July 21, 2004
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Archived Top 10 Lists |
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 Editor's
Note: Despite a thunderous lack of popular demand, Clemenza's regular
outpouring of Fears, Hopes,
Realizations and Random Thoughts has now been made a recurring
monthly feature. Unless you, the people, rise up to stop it, this column
will continue to come your way every month! You have been warned. (The
opinions, Spike Lee disses, and unwarranted slurs against yours truly do
not necessarily reflect the views of Shaking Through -- at least,
not that I know of.) -- Kevin Forest Moreau, Editor-in-Chief |
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 10.
CNN just reported that Michael Jackson is to be the father of
quadruplets. This means that the kids will have to take turns being
precariously dangled from a balcony by their scandal-tainted dad. |
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 09.
Also in the news recently was some winner who got drunk, stuck a shotgun
down the front of his pants and pulled the trigger. As you can imagine,
he suffered serious injuries to his, er, "nether region." Oddly enough,
our own editor, Kevin Moreau, also pulled this drunken stunt last year
at a Halloween party. After a few beers, he stuck a shotgun down the
front of his pants and pulled the trigger...yet he suffered no
injuries whatsoever. Draw your own conclusions, people. |
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 08.
Uruguay. Exactly what are they up to? |
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 07.
You gotta hand it to Lance Armstrong. He is truly a great athlete. Why is
he so successful at the Tour De France? Easy. He's from Texas. Who are
you gonna bet on? A tough sinewy Texan, or cycling Eurotrash? My point
exactly. |
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 06.
A man was recently arrested in Florida for hitting his girlfriend with a
3' alligator. Is this really a felony? I mean really, who hasn't at
least thought about pelting their significant other with an alligator?
Just because this guy had the nuts to do it, we persecute him. Rock on
brother! |
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 05.
You know, in life, sometimes things just don't work out. Sadly, in dreams,
the same thing often happens. Last night I dreamt I was in a hot tub
with Elizabeth Hurley, Jessica Simpson, and Ona Grauer. Things looked
pretty good...until I noticed that Ron "Horshack" Palillo of Welcome
Back, Kotter fame, was also in the tub! Can't I ever win? Just once? |
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 04.
I don't like moppets, puppets, claymation figures, or marionettes. They
are all the devil's work. |
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 03.
With the Summer Olympics upon us, I am reminded of how the ancient Greeks
competed nude, covered in olive oil. Then I am glad that Oprah Winfrey
was not an ancient Greek. |
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 02.
In a recent Playboy interview, Spike Lee stated that he would never
attend a NASCAR event. After this statement, the remaining 2004 Nextel
Cup Series schedule was sold out. In fact, several ticket buyers asked
if they could procure a list of other events that Spike would not be
attending (other than the Oscars, that is). |
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 01.
We bid a fond farewell to one of film's greatest actors, Marlon Brando.
I'll never forget the time I met him at a restaurant, and he handed me a
set of keys and told me to park his car, even though I did not work
there and he had no car. Or how he then repeatedly called me "Vienna"
and asked if he could wear my shoes. Genius, I tell you. Sheer genius. |
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